All About Me

I used to try and write about things other than myself. On one hand I know nearly everything because I read A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. On the other hand, I am not an authority on anything. I have the attention span of a fruit fly with dementia. Fortunately I live in an age of Wikipedia so I can learn anything I need to know when I need to know it and not have to remember it for later. I was the most knowledgeable about things other than myself in high school because no internet existed for easy fact checking by some football coach teaching history. I knew pygmies existed, Pitcairn was an island, and cucumbers were real. So I could write a paper about a tribe of pygmies on Pitcairn Island who use cucumbers for food, bartering, and weapons. Research was easy and fast because I created obscure sources that should have existed in a perfect world. The best part: I never ever plagiarized anything. Unfortunately, this technique did not work well in college when I had to submit a 50 page Senior Thesis on the Marshall Plan to graduate. Apparently Thurgood Marshall had nothing to do with that Plan. So I gradually became less knowledgeable when truth was favored over imagination. Many people publish on every possible aspect of history, geography, art, dance, horticulture, medicine, science, sports, music, self-help, poetry, photography, sex, love, and Kim Kardashian. But no one has ever written anything about me except me and my high school Principal who sabotaged my college applications with hearsay, allegations, and grades that should have been confidential. So I have a unique niche where I am a world expert. Even Wikipedia does not have an entry for me!

20 thoughts on “All About Me

  1. I was going to echo what Herb said. You can write a Wiki page about yourself if you’re so inclined and deny any taint of self-absorption, narcissism or ‘me’ thinking. Just be wary what you include because (half serious/half not serious) stalkers ARE real and for myself? I’m glad to be anonymous because no one strange (well no stranger than anyone else around here anyway) comes to my door asking me if I want to learn about cheeses… ๐Ÿ˜‰

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    1. You are wise. Back in the 1970’s my brother and I sold gag gifts (bogus Howard Hughes wills, Edgar Cayce predictions) through magazine ads in Psychology Today. We were too cheap to use a post office box and my wife was furious when a strange man showed up on our doorstep.

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  2. I googled Pitcairn Island and it really exists. And it is said to be occupied by the descents of those mutineers from the movie “mutiny on the bounty”, which I’ve watched two versions. LOL.

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  3. “I have the attention span of a fruit fly with dementia.”- I was sad to learn this about you. My father is early stages of dementia and he forgets things in split seconds. Your writings are so good and I sincerely hope you will strive to keep remembering things or find a knack on how to remember things. Alot depends on effort to want to remember too and you have that. My dad does not put in effort as he is lazy. So he regresses. Stay mindful is my wish for you and take care Geoff!

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  4. Some serious stir fryers believe in the magical properties of cucmbers as stout weapons ๐Ÿ™‚

    i seem to recall vaguely a guy a few years ago tried to hold up a bookies with a cucumber, he was soon nicked by a local peeler!!

    My cucumbers are also currently under attack from snails!

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