Ode to Bad Blogging

~ Geoff Stamper

Five posts are sleeping in my queue. They may see daylight in some future form but I am taking another break to gather and alphabetize my thoughts. In 2016, my oldest son gifted me a free Blog site which I impulsively titled with a baseball term although I was not planning to write about either baseball or suicide. I posted daily for five years while averaging single digit views per day. I was relieved to avoid “followers” which I mistakenly considered the WordPress name for trolls and stalkers. I realized my site was not private when a Portuguese cigar maker finally scared me with a “like.” After Alien Resort left a friendly “like” and comment, I explained to my handful of curious and incredulous regular readers that he was a stranger and not one of us using a pseudonym. Beetleypete generously explained how to properly wield a gravatar and I discovered how easy it was to increase “views,” considering the reciprocal interests of fellow Bloggers and bots. I was shocked when my earlier monthly numbers (e.g., 128, 141) were denigrated by a system of rounding off by hundreds (e.g., 2.7K, 2.8K). Intoxication with my new threshold wore off when my latest friends turned out to be advertisers, serial likers, non-readers, skimmers, Russian spies, and the Internal Revenue Service. Fearing attention from the External Revenue Service, I tried (unsuccessfully) to retire from Blogging while at my peak. Obverse predicted I would be back and I hated that he was right.

I am now sliding down the backside of the bell shaped curve as an ideal spokesperson for Bad Bloggers. Even attrition from my poor habits has not helped me keep up with reading and commenting. I hold the WordPress record for the number of log-ins required in a 24 hour period. Comments are closed by the time I arrive. I never bothered to read Proust because comments were no longer accepted after he died. The only pingbacks and cookies I understand are the pings in my back when I stretch for the cookies my wife hides at the back of her underwear drawer (as if I would never look there). I avoid Blogging challenges that trigger negative flashbacks to competitions and school homework. In real life I am a devil’s advocate by training and inclination. Whenever I sense unanimity, I have an urge to present an opposing thought. Sometimes I do not agree with or even know what I am saying. I would apologize to anyone I may have offended but I am saving my mea culpas for a dramatic death bed post.

Many experienced Bloggers thoughtfully post valuable tips for beginners. I never intend to ignore protocols. I am just lazy. I should go to the doctor, service my truck, and clip my toenails but get sidetracked binge-watching bad television and taping back together vital records my loved ones shredded while testing the limits of unconditional love. Bad Blogger advice is so rare that I am super qualified after embracing a wide variety of Blogs, just like I view all the art in a museum. I love lingering over posts displaying an author’s own photographs, cartoons, and nuggets of wisdom. I can google the Gettysburg Address. Warning: following Blogs in your fields of ignorance is dangerous. I am constantly making uninformed comments on posts about poetry (Why do your poems not rhyme), gardening (Why not hire a gardener), art (Sorry about skimming and assuming your preschooler painted the cow), science (Calculus clouds are my favorite), philosophy (Which came first: the chicken or the muskrat), history (My earliest memory is watching the Romans beat the Vikings in Super Bowl ICBM), and music (I have all but one of the albums Attila recorded). My cooking is limited to reheating leftovers in the microwave and I have been embarrassed trying to order take-out food on cooking Blogs. Elect me Bad Blogger Representative in November and I promise to return and not take your concerns seriously.

109 thoughts on “Ode to Bad Blogging”

  1. Calculus clouds are also one of my favorite subjects, as a fluid warms, currents rise and circulate in the atmosphere and over time air ascends and clouds condense from water vapor.  Clouds form when the density of the water vapor in the air reaches a critical point and has to condense out, often onto airborne particles such as dust, soot or sea salt called cloud condensation nuclei, adding an extra level of complexity.

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  2. Dear Geoff,

    There is actually a scientific term for such visual perception, or rather, optical illusion, such as seeing happy faces in the clouds. It is called pareidolia, which is an example of apophenia, the tendency to perceive connections and meaning between unrelated things. It is a psychological phenomenon in which the mind responds to a stimulus, usually an image or a sound, by perceiving a familiar pattern where none exists (e.g. in random data). Common examples are perceived images of animals, faces or objects in cloud formations, the Man in the Moon and the Moon rabbit. You are very welcome to find out much more in my very long and detailed discussions at

    👁‍ Optical Illusions 👁‍🗨❇️😵✳️👀

    As you will see in my said post, some optical artists have designed graphics called op art or optical art, which can give the sensations of seeing something moving, vibrating, pulsating and/or rotating, even though the generated images are truly static. These are fantastic examples of optical illusions and optical art.

    This said post covers the topics of optical illusions quite comprehensively with more than 200 examples. Given its length and scope, you will need to use a desktop or laptop computer with a large screen. Many of the excellent examples included in the post are quite astonishing, even to the point of defying belief. I welcome your feedback there.

    Yours sincerely,
    SoundEagle

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  4. I do feel that you have stumbled into an untapped market and would speak to many of us who could identify with your approach to blogging. The hitch might appear when your hardcore blogger minion, neglect logging in, reading, commenting or liking your blog, because they are also bad bloggers. A paradox. I have navigated blind through the parallel universe of blog world, purely by the trial and error method and a hell of a lot of lukewarm coffee. Ps – you are too late about a Gettysburg post, one of our former presidents has very recently given a very powerful and inspiring speech about Gettysburg while campaigning in Pennsylvania. I’d advise you to watch and learn, a very unique delivery.

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  5. I have no remembrance of Proust. The devil doesn’t need another advocate. He has one in djt. Is suicide by baseball a thing? Better not to service your doctor or clip your truck. Going to your toenails may be okay. Google Maps doesn’t know the Gettysburg Address. You have to type it in.

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      3. I recently read that Larry David cringes when he hears people find his show cringy 🙂

        Seinfeld was asked how Larry David gets away with what he does, and Seinfeld pontificated that many of their Seinfeld episodes could not air today (which he laments), and that Larry David started in comedy early enough that he got “grandfathered” in, and can pretty much say anything he wants.

        May I ask what appeals to you about Curb Your Enthusiasm? (A great show, I agree!)

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      1. My son, daughter in law, and her dad are Mariners fans and are training the next generation. (She’s a bad influence. My son had no interest in baseball until he married her.) And those were your leads! I just followed them.

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      4. Possibilities are everywhere in our lives. My wife and I were in a rut and on two days notice I took a job in Wichita that nobody else wanted. We yanked three kids out of school in Washington state and I went ahead for the the first six weeks of what was a six year adventure. One of the best and biggest of many changes we made. They can be simple ones. Rearrange all the furniture in the house. Stop Blogging for awhile….

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  12. You know you’ve hit the bigtime when you’re inviting the IRS to do a guest blog post. I think the subject is going to be on Donald Trump’s tax returns which I know will be released any day now.

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  13. I had hoped if I leave a post sleeping in the queue long enough, it would mature and get better (like a fine wine) or multiply (like rabbits). Have you checked to see what your five sleeping posts are doing?

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  15. This is all we ask for when we read other blog posts…a person willing to share their raw, personal, deep feelings about a subject clearly near and dear to their heart…the very act of blogging itself. (So THAT’s what a pingback is? Huh.) Unfortunately, I don’t consider you are a Bad Blogger whatsoever…so perhaps you could elect to run for another position than Bad Blogger Representative? In the meantime, perhaps also awaken some of those queued-up posts?🙂

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    1. I have been toying with the idea of running from my creditors but cameras are everywhere these days. Most of my epiphanies for Blog breakthroughs come when I am sleeping, so I am spending more and more time napping.

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  19. Enjoy your break! Thank you for the many laughs, including making my day with this line: “I never bothered to read Proust because comments were no longer accepted after he died.” 😂👍🏻

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  21. I prefer to leave comments on blog posts I know nothing about, since I can claim ignorance. On the other hand, leaving a comment on a post on a topic I shoud know something about would quickly expose me as a fraud…

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    1. But sometimes your comments and questions are so delicious that the fraud exposed is your lack of ignorance. It feels good when I see your name pop up here and there and I can wonder what kind of streak you are building these days!

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    2. You actually CLAIM ignorance?… I’ll bet people are moved all the time to refute it, right? That’s funny. They do the same thing when I claim intelligence (above that of a clam ~ but what would they know about bivalvial prescience anyway, right?)

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      1. Well, when given the option, smiling is a lot more fun. Though sometimes it’s not always easy, even for me. Smiling through tears happens too, as my post today shows. 🙂

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    2. Having perused your response with gratituitous (as well as considerably alliterative) grammatical gratitude, I find myself dubious of this self-claim of lesser cleverness.

      In other words: He might SOUND like your kind of blogger NOW, but what about when the little blogettes and blogmeisters come out using long paragraphs? What then, huh, huh?

      Think about it now, my girl… 🤣

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      1. A kind claim, fellow blogger. 🙂 Having attempted to craft some epistles of similar content and entertainment value as our host, I found myself impressed; I do not mind bowing to the superior writer.

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      1. Change is good, ask Gordon Gekko, mm, was that change or greed?

        I was curious so looked it up, it is of course greed, but replace that word with change and it also works 🙂

        The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.

        Yep, still works Geoff 🙂

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      1. This was actually supposed to be a reply to a comment by the Autistic Composer.

        Hmmm. Do you think in cases like our friend AC’s it isn’t only that they experience unusual challenges in responding to the world around them, but that the world around them is somehow also prevented from fully responding to them?

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  31. I’m glad that Portuguese’ cigar maker didn’t scare you enough to put your blog private! I still remember a lot of your blog post and laugh again(your wife’s trick to feel “stay healthy” by ordering veggie for her plate but stealing fries from your plate!)

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