Confessions of a Pillowcase

~ Geoff Stamper

Last week I was a passenger in a carload of 75 year-olds traveling to Bend to visit friends. I was disqualified from driving when my last post went viral. I was further relegated to the seat-beltless luggage area whenever five geezers were in the Tahoe. Driver Duke pulled to the front pump at a gas station in The Dalles while preoccupied with the visual of drivers now pumping their own fuel in Oregon. My wife Mollie gave her credit card to Duke along with her rewards number. But Duke chose the option to save points when we were trying to use them before they expired. Suddenly he noticed the three options for the grade of gas were missing. I started yelling that he was at the green handled diesel pump. So we cancelled the transaction. The driver behind us was pinned in by a huge oversized vehicle in a growing line behind him. He asked if we had actually put diesel in the Tahoe. We assured him we were merely making a case for professionals to pump gas. Mollie and Duke began debating where the credit card went. He suggested we leave and find the card later. I insisted we find the card now since it had to be within three feet of our vehicle. After an extensive search of our vehicle, Mollie found it in her pocket. As we drove away, a lady in the long line for the other side of the pumps gestured and pointed. Duke retrieved the gas cap we left behind and we headed to the other gas station but their lines were worse. So we returned to the line we created at the original station and redeemed our rewards discount while I wore a pillowcase over my head.

64 thoughts on “Confessions of a Pillowcase”

    1. We passed a new version of an old law a few years back – right at the same time that we passed our three-tiered minimum wage law that would grow the minimum wage to $14.75 in urban areas and $13.50 in the boonies. In “unrelated” news, employers in the gas station biz were allowed to opt out of hiring pump jockeys depending on the location of their station on a map that makes political districts look simple. I swear, there are gas stations on opposite sides of the freeway where the rule is different.
      But the memes created in response to the new laws were worth it! 🥸

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  2. You must be the entitled people who can’t read the Wrong Way sign and the landing strip size arrow painted on the pavement showing (supposed) direction of travel through pump lanes. I was the guy parked on your bumper facing the correct direction. I was surprised there was no description of the single finger wave interpreted as Gas cap? One geezer on a gas run is dangerous enough. A car load turns a Trader Joe’s and gas errand into Wow, I didn’t know they had Burger King in Montana!

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      1. In front of him – figuratively. Nose to nose. I had a woman in scrubs come knock on my door and say she was going to have to back up into traffic exiting the pumps to get out and I had to tell her it wasn’t my fault she couldn’t read. I mean screw the sign, the unmissable and unmistakable dayglow arrow is universal.

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  3. I could not stop laughing and everyone in the car would have been mad at me if I was there, because I would have not stopped laughing throughout this endeavor. (probably would have sped off and left me doubled over with laughter and tears standing by a pump). it reads like a giant chess game. if this, then that, your move, check, check mate.

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    1. It’d be two of us that they’d have to leave behind then. I literally laughed out loud at “I insisted we find the card now since it had to be within three feet of our vehicle.” I was cackling at “After an extensive search of our vehicle, Mollie found it in her pocket.” I think we’d need a comforter cover for the three of us, over the pillowcases… 😁

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    2. I was clearly irritated when we had to search for the credit card but by the time I had the pillowcase on my head, I could really see the humor because we were actually going to visit someone we were worried about because of his recent memory lapses.

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  8. Dang it, Geoff! First, I’m gonna be in Bend next Saturday for a college baseball double-header. You (and possibly Phil) and I should really coordinate our travels around the PNDub better! Second…what were you doing there?

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  10. I have always wondered what would happen if a sedan driver mistakes a diesel pump for the a regular pump or a big truck driver mistakes a regular pump for a diesel one. I should have looked it up, but I am a little too lazy to do that. In NJ, one doesn’t pump one’s own gas. Once I tried to pump it myself and was seriously frowned upon…

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  11. Has anyone else noticed how Geoff chums the water and then stands back and watches while we all amuse each other…or maybe just ourselves, commenting on his foibles? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just sayin’.

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    1. I have noticed, Judy, that the less I post on my Blog, the better it gets. A few family members and a couple friends read my Blog and they rave only about the comment section. I also am not very good at following protocols about making timely responses, partly because I keep forgetting my password.

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  15. I lived in Oregon for a couple of years after having lived my entire life in the Midwest. I was at a play group with my toddler when one of the other moms said she’d recently found herself in Washington needing gas. The other moms asked, concerned, “Did you know how to do it?” I started to laugh because I thought they were kidding. They were not.

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    1. When I was growing up, attendants always pumped gas. When self service came along, she always paid extra for full service. When she dented a pump at the last station that would pump her gas, she made me take her car to get it gassed up.

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  18. Am I the only one who is amazed that a mature adult in a car of mature adults is allowed to ride beltless in what I grew up calling “the way back”? Perhaps the pillowcase was helpful in disguising you as laundry so as to avoid getting pulled over by the authorities.

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