Inauguration Update

Donald Trump’s second Inauguration was apparently rescheduled from March 4th to March 20th because Mike Pence was not willing to hang out with the large crowd expected. Clarabelle’s brother Bozo is being vetted as a possible replacement for Pence. And the big military parade is taking longer to organize now that Rudy Giuliani is Secretary of Defense. Funding dried up when the Mexican government stopped payment on their donation check and Donald himself is upset that the Senate Parliamentarian has ruled that the cost of the event cannot be used as a deduction on a personal tax return. No one on the Supreme Court wants to swear Donald in, so the My Pillow Guy is hustling back to Washington D.C. to perform the ceremony. Invited guests like Mitch McConnell and Lindsay Graham continue to vacillate on whether they will attend. Ted Cruz could not be reached as he is booked at the Cancun International House of Pancakes for the annual Sycophant Convention. Most of the uncertainty about whether to support the event or not stems from confusion over the exact definition of an insurrection. Members of Congress were not able to look it up in the dictionary because they could not agree how to spell it or smell it.