Splitting Infinitives

I was reading Dreyer’s English to see all the grammar rules I am breaking. Dreyer takes some of the fun out of ignoring the rules. He says you can start a sentence with and or but, split an infinitive, and end a sentence with a preposition. He is not necessarily recommending those practices, especially when an alternate construction is clearly better. I do all those things, partly because I was told never to do them and nobody can stop me. This defiant attitude extends beyond grammar and explains why my nose is so small. I continually cut pieces off it to spite my face. When I got to the fourth rule Dreyer was debunking, I recognized myself as someone who strictly avoids contractions in my writings (I use them only when quoting someone else). I also avoid the passive voice when possible. So I am not such a rebel after all. But I do enjoy using sentence fractions. I am not even sure where I stand on all the rules that followed because they overwhelmed me. I probably mix up prone and supine. I cannot even read the colon section because the word makes me queasy. Dreyer is liberal about defying rules, so at least I can stop feeling guilty about splitting infinitives. He quotes Ray Chandler’s response to a copy editor for the Atlantic Monthly, “I write in a sort of broken-down patois…like the way a Swiss waiter talks, and…when I split an infinitive, [profanity], I split it so it will stay split.” Like so many others, I pick and choose which rules and laws apply to me. I do not use my cell phone while exceeding the speed limit. I wear my mask while jaywalking. And I never litter while trespassing.