Two Left Feet

Throughout my life, I have often stepped on my own feet. This is understandable because my feet are located so close together and they take at least the required 10,000 steps every day. And, of course, I am uncoordinated to begin with. I also step on other people’s feet, especially when dancing. My wife does not appreciate it but repercussions are worse when I step on the feet of people not even dancing with me. Stepping on others is never as funny as stepping on my own feet. People get a big laugh when I actually fall. They must think I do it on purpose. Sometimes I want to fake that I broke my hip to make them feel bad for laughing. But I am afraid someone might put me in an ambulance. And going to the hospital is much more dangerous than stepping on your feet. I conceived this Blog while snowshoeing on New Year’s Eve. You would think oversized snowshoes would make me more stable with wider bases to support a relatively narrow six foot human structure. But I found the bigger targets just make it easier to step on my own feet. Luckily I carry poles to protect me from wild animals and they also help me avoid falls where I would be easy prey for said animals. The snowshoes have sharp blades on the bottom for gaining traction on the ice and snow. So I cannot wear running shoes or slippers when I snowshoe. I could not play school sports like football, baseball, and golf because the cleats were so dangerous. I never climbed Mt. Everest because I was wary of crampons and microspikes. Full disclosure: vertigo, altitude sickness, lack of sponsorship, and fear of death also played a part in that last decision.