Push-ups

I can hardly wait to see Joe Biden engage in some push-up contests. That way I can try in private to do more than he can. If I can, I might jump into the Presidential race. By then, Joe will probably be yelling that he is the greatest push-upper in the history of our nation. And this is good because our country desperately needs more old white men boasting about how many push-ups they can do. Betting on me is a long shot because I was never good at push-ups. I was worse at chin-ups. I was more interested in pinups. I was best at sit-ups but most of my friends could beat me in the two minute drill. That is because I selected top athletes as my friends. So when the gang hung out, girls just assumed I was a teammate of the big studs. Some of those jocks have died off. I just need to make it to age ninety. Then people will be dumbfounded and screaming: “Look at that old man. He can do two sit-ups! He should be a Senator or maybe even Vice President.”