I’ve Got Mail

I am amazed at how many prominent companies send their urgent messages by junk mail. PayPal, my bank, and my credit union notify me in my spam folder when they freeze my accounts. Amazon cancels my orders the same way. Only the urgent cyber breach alerts seem to get through the filters. Nothing is more important to me than a surprise inheritance, a lottery win, or even a Yeti Tundra Haul from Dick’s Sporting Goods. But those messages inexplicably arrive as junk mail. Luckily, I devour my spam and monitor my junk.

Sonobello Liposuction claims it is not too late to get my body back with one day fat and cash removal. I want my body back but FedEx just junk mailed me that the Sonobello shipment has been delayed until after the Senior Olympics. Renewal by Anderson assumes I am looking for energy efficient windows when all I want is someone to clean them. If I subscribe to Zoosk, they promise to find my love. But I already know where she is, namely wandering from room to room in our house looking for her car keys, phone, and the cash that Mortgage.net wants us to take out of our home. Neither of us can remember where we hid that cash or we would definitely take it out of the house and treat everyone to banana splits at Dairy Queen.

WordPress, my most faithful correspondent, repeatedly wrote me about other Bloggers finding my posts “pretty awesome.” Despite the redundant praise, I never tired of it. But when I requested a quote for a plan upgrade to “totally awesome” posts, WordPress switched me to “New like!” If I win the lottery, I will purchase the package that comes with celebrity comments and see if those generate more traffic.

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