Aphrodite Asparagus

Last Sunday, my wife Mollie and I left a Church Salmon Bake on Vashon Island to follow a big yellow school bus rumored to be transporting VIP guests from the ferry terminal to a sculpture unveiling at LaSalle Reserve. We especially wanted to see a magnificent 13 foot sculpture installed in the garden as Our Lady of the Asparagus in a similar ceremony in 2018. We wound up a narrow driveway, disregarded instructions leading to gridlock, and moved a two-by-four blocking a parking space. The effort was rewarded when free chocolate and vanilla ice cream cones were served. Each time through the line, I received a smaller dollop of ice cream despite informing the suspicious scoopers that I needed another cone for my disabled mother.

Mollie was not supervising me because she was distracted. First she worried she addressed Tom Skerritt as “Brian” and that I had not helped cover up that gaffe. I reminded her that my previous attempts to correct her in public all ended badly. I assured her that Skerritt was not present because I stole his parking space. I suggested the actual Tom at our table likely heard “briny” and not “Brian” because we were describing the taste of asparagus ice cream allegedly on the menu, a falsehood I was spreading to shorten the ice cream line. Besides, the host referred to me as “Kevin” and nobody was embarrassed about that. I often answer to my late brother’s name. He would be delighted with rumors now circulating that he is alive. Mollie also apparently sat on someone’s plate of food. I was cautioned not to mention the stain on the seat of her pants by people who were either trying to save our marriage or just wanted the fun of telling her themselves.


62 thoughts on “Aphrodite Asparagus

  1. all in the fun of a day’s adventure. p.s. my daughter lived in australia for a few years and her neighbor used to tell her kinds to ignore the ice cream man’s music as he drove by, as he was only trying to sell vegetables to kids. hopefully she told them the truth eventually.

    Liked by 6 people

      1. Dreyer’s Butter Pecan is the ice cream in my freezer right now. I have the healthy version because it says “half the fat” on the carton. That amounts to 7 grams per serving but no way nine servings are in that 1.5 quart carton.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t know how you manage to put so much flavor into one post, Geoff. Definitely better than asparagus and right up there with chocolate and vanilla ice cream cones. I think saving someone from embarrassment by telling them the truth or embarrassing them by not telling the truth can be a thin edge to walk on. If you fall, you fall alone. Great content and writing! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Dear Kevin, I want you to know that the highlight of my afternoon at Our Lady of the Asparagus outdoor banquet was telling Mollie several times about the gorgeous pasta puttanesca decorating her butt.

    Liked by 6 people

      1. My wife has a deal with God that she gets to go first, because she doesn’t want to be left alone. So now I have to stay here till she dies. Wonder if I can offer Him a better deal? 🧐. Hmm, probably not.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. It would be ever so nice if you would post a few pictures when you visit such a unique place as LaSalle Reserve with sculptures such as Our Lady of the Asparagus. Did the artist ever do the companion piece you suggested, Son of the Celery?

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I have always regretted lacking the energy, capability and expertise to post pictures because I do enjoy writing captions. Googling Aphrodite Asparagus provided a picture before I saw it in person. Even Google is silent on Son of the Celery 😎 but the artist did unveil Pettibone Venus at the event I attended.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There is probably an app that lets you put photos from your phone directly into your WordPress Media Library and from there you add them to your post… but as you say, it still takes energy, capability and expertise to make it all happen!
        I can’t find anything about Pettibone Venus on the web. What was it?

        Liked by 2 people

      1. My great-grandfather Pete Peterson owned the hardware store on Vashon back in the 1920s. My great-grandmother was Mathilda Foss, of the Foss tugboat family. Vashon was quite the family get-together spot when I was a kid.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. I googled Tom Skerritt and realized that I must have watched several movies with him as one of the characters, but I didn’t know his name.

    And I thought of this too. I mean why there are many fruit ice creams but there is no vegetable ice creams. There should be vegetable ice creams and vegetable statues too–13 feet tall is a good height for a vegetable.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Skerritt has a home in Seattle so sightings are not that uncommon. Years ago, I was star struck when I sat in the seat exactly behind him. People respected his privacy but it was surreal to watch him leave the theater, cross Mercer Street to a pay parking lot, get in a station wagon with his wife, and presumably drive home for ice cream. Just like me.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You must admire the actor a lot. I wonder who I would have a such a feeling for… Actually I’ve met no stars at all. Probably I should go stand in Time Square to see who I can recognize. I don’t know how I am going to feel about it. I mean when I meet a star to whom I am a fan.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I never met Skerritt but I have met Donna Reed, Beverly Sills, and Paul Reiser. And I guess Duke Snider if you count him saying “How you doing kid?” while signing his autograph.


    1. A real thirteen foot Aphrodite Asparagus (aka Our Lady of the Asparagus) sculpture exists and is my favorite piece in the Lasalle Reserve. It comes up when I google it but maybe because I have visited that site so often. Aphrodite is peeking out from inside the asparagus bundle. I notice you have friends with a wide range of interests!


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