MOPE

~ Geoff Stamper

I recently rediscovered a tiny pillbox in my miniature collection. It seemed empty but a tiny pebble made a rattle. This was a kidney stone my wife passed in a White Plains hospital over a decade ago. I took it when the nurse offered. Hard to believe something so excruciatingly painful could be so insignificantly small. I am not sure why I saved it. The box is not labeled, the contents will be a mystery after I pass like a kidney stone, and the mineral deposit that caused so much trouble will be thrown out. Still I am powerless to toss it.

Perhaps I should have kept the nail that pierced my running shoe and caused me great pain. My wife and I could have put together a unique display of things that hurt. I never thought to retain my yanked tooth after a failed root canal and my two extracted wisdom teeth. I should have demanded my burst appendix from the hospital, like getting back a failed auto part. How do I know the doctor took out my appendix? It could still be in there. Maybe they pumped me up with powerful antacid and sent me home. I should have kept the Volkswagen Rabbit engine I ran out of oil and saved notices of a Bar Exam failure and a potential layoff. I could have asked girls to dump or reject me in writing. We did keep the three sons that caused my wife so much pain when she delivered them. They could be co-curators of the Museum Of Pain Endured. This partial listing is painful enough to be included. My quirky brilliant ideas always come too late. We could have become famous embracing pain as an opportunity to build a better museum.

72 thoughts on “MOPE”

  2. How small is a “tiny” pillbox in a “miniatures” collection? Sounds like it would not be big enough for a kidney stone. I want to call it the “Mollie Stone”. That gives it the feel of being some ancient artifact imbued with mystical or divine power. I am sure your wife would agree she is imbued with just such things. I think x-rays of any broken bones would be a great addition to your museum. Loved your perspective of owning our negatives, Geoff. Have a great weekend!

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    1. The Mollie Stone was so tiny compared to kidney stones that make it to The Guinness Book of World Records, the nurse was probably trying to shame us for the two days of screaming and yelling in the hospital. And Mollie was moaning quite a bit too.

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  6. I think the idea of calling it the Mollie Stone is quite clever. Your museum idea is not so far-fetched. There is a place in Sri Lanka called, The Temple of the Sacred Tooth Relic. It contains the left canine incisor Gautama Buddha. It is a UNESCO World Heritage site since 1988.

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    2. Herb, I should send you rough drafts of my posts, so you could send me more interesting material to edit into them! Like a tiny kidney stone, a tiny word can have a big impact on a sentence. 😎

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  7. It’s like building a shrine to what was and no longer is. I think pain can be remembered in so many ways – it’s actually quite difficult to forget. A museum could be an eye-opener to many people though they may walk out depressed and asking for a refund. Keep writing, Geoff. You’ve mastered the art of humor. 🙂

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  9. Pain is one of those things that yeah, we should be reminded but like most wisdom builders, distance from the event tends to make you forget that little bitty piece of mineral or for the first two days after a grade four ‘roid rebuild you’d rather have had a train parked on your foot.

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  10. I ‘d rather throw all away evidence of pain. (I tried that with my last dental bill, but the pain kept returning every week, until that last final demand. Another red letter day.)

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  13. Sounds like you should open a museum. If people aren’t impressed with a kidney stone, your nail, burst appendix, and a VW engine, they can always gawk at your three sons.

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  14. I so far have dodged the kidney stone experience but my wife has not. I recall one morning when she was totally incapacitated and it looked like we’d have to head to the ER, but just several minutes later she bounced out of bed and said she was ready to go food shopping as scheduled. It was a wild ride but she dodged surgical intervention. We still have our appendixes. Between us, we have no pain souvenirs. Everything that causes us distress is still lodged well within our bodies…at least for now.

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  15. I used to work in a hospital for a year. We had a refrigerator in our office. One day, a chunk of human liver appeared in the fridge for a certain purpose, which I already forgot. I felt very very queasy after knowing what it was.

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  24. All of the good museums offer interactive exhibits and activities. You could offer a garden walk that visitors take wearing shoes 2 sizes too small and with rakes laying around to be stepped on. Maybe some hornets nests, too. I would advise getting signed releases first.

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