Continuation of yesterday’s excerpted 2009 tweets from my late brother Kevin’s Twitter account:
8/04: Putting a couple dozen yards of my poetry up for sale on eBay.
8/05: Getting my hair to dry in the shape of a dwarf platypus.
8/07: Posting my cell phone numbers for the whole world to see: 2,3,4,5,6,7, two nines, and two zeroes.
8/09: Putting away the Blue Angels outfit for another year.
8/10: Planting a row of miniature marshmallows in the lower garden.
8/11: Creating algorithm for putting down the toilet seat in a two-boy/two-girl household with standard habits.
8/12: Calling Twitter’s bluff on the capricious 140-character limit (which is impossible to enforce anyway since millions of users will simply ign
8/17: Picking up Kevlar garbage bags from my sailmaker.
8/18: Habituating to scrabbling squirrels in the ductwork.
8/19: Leaving my identity out in the hopes someone will steal it.
8/21: Rummaging around for “Latin for Travelers” guidebook in advance of big trip to Lutetia.
8/25: Preparing book proposal for “Dead-Animal-Smell-in-the-House Diet.”
8/26: Sensing toothpicks have it really bad: maybe worse than plungers.
8/27: Steering with my knees to protest cell phone driving rules.
8/28: Squeezing laptop, printer, three-hole punch and small copy machine on seriously under-designed Starbucks table.
8/31: Slipping neighbor’s lawn furniture into garage sale inventory.
9/04: Having trouble finding the Nanotechnology Building.
9/07: Patenting bar of soap with a pointed end for those hard-to-reach spots.
9/15: Marveling that spouse didn’t notice I was speaking-in-tongues during last night’s big argument.
9/22: Wondering who you have to know to score one of those Genius Grants.
9/28: Patting myself on the back for being in a rut where I can go faster and not swerve around.
10/22: Applying for pundit jobs.
11/03: Raising bail money for Impersonating a Vegetarian charge.
Geoff, although I never met Kevin, I can honestly say that his witticism will be sorely missed. These are hilarious and impossible to pick a favorite, as I openly laughed at everyone. I do think I stumbled onto something though, as I have been selling my poetry by the page rather than the yard. He was a genius!
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Too bad he wasn’t a poet.
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In his own way, he likely was!
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Just wonderful! I laughed out loud these are so fabulously funny. Sad he no more.. Kevin must have been a great guy and you all must miss him a lot..🙏🌹
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Yes I do but I am in no hurry to see him again.
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oh no, this reminded me that I’d better get my marshmallows planted soon! I’m late!
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Old farmer’s rule is to wait until after Easter. Which marks the last opportunity for Mother Nature to throw a freeze.
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of course – but what about the graham crackers?
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Summer crop. Hang them from the barn rafters till they’re dry🙃
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Of course!
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Better put some mesh fencing around them as the marsh swallows will eat them.
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they are known for it
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Putting away the Blue Angels outfit for another year. 🤣🤣🤣
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This is brilliant stuff. Shocking that the “Dead-Animal-Smell-In-The-House-Diet” never really took off.
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I tried it but I gained 6.5 pounds in 8 days.
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That might say something about you…
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What a funny guy. I kind of want to follow him on the Twitter, despite the…y’know…lack of new content.
I think my brothers know exactly how you must have felt having a brother like him.
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Dare we voice doubt about the veracity of the author’s identity?
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Yeah, I think Kevin was stealing some of my material but he knew I have a bad memory.
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And I know exactly how your brothers feel, Mr. Galby!
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As regards the platypus hairstyle it might be easier to master at Takhini Resort’s frozen hair contest. Dunk, style, assess, repeat.
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These all made me laugh, but especially , “slipping neighbor’s lawn furniture into garage sale inventory! LOL!
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I never thought of selling poetry by the yard. That’s genius.
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Kevin would have enjoyed your Blog, Herb.
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The garage sale idea has endless possibilities. Or perhaps not, because once a garage is sold, most people don’t have another.
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We did not even sell our garage but one garage sale was enough for us anyway.
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never met Kevin, and certainly don’t want to diminish his creativity, but it’s not hard to imagine that these could have been written by Geoff. Not sure which of you if funnier, weirder, etc
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Kevin was a year younger than me so I like to take credit for making him funny and weird, especially since our parents did not want to take credit for it.
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These are hilarious. It takes a brave man to post his cellphone number like that.
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Or a crazy man.
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