Part II. Guest Post

Continuation of yesterday’s excerpted 2009 tweets from my late brother Kevin’s Twitter account:

8/04: Putting a couple dozen yards of my poetry up for sale on eBay.

8/05: Getting my hair to dry in the shape of a dwarf platypus.

8/07: Posting my cell phone numbers for the whole world to see: 2,3,4,5,6,7, two nines, and two zeroes.

8/09: Putting away the Blue Angels outfit for another year.

8/10: Planting a row of miniature marshmallows in the lower garden.

8/11: Creating algorithm for putting down the toilet seat in a two-boy/two-girl household with standard habits.

8/12: Calling Twitter’s bluff on the capricious 140-character limit (which is impossible to enforce anyway since millions of users will simply ign

8/17: Picking up Kevlar garbage bags from my sailmaker.

8/18: Habituating to scrabbling squirrels in the ductwork.

8/19: Leaving my identity out in the hopes someone will steal it.

8/21: Rummaging around for “Latin for Travelers” guidebook in advance of big trip to Lutetia.

8/25: Preparing book proposal for “Dead-Animal-Smell-in-the-House Diet.”

8/26: Sensing toothpicks have it really bad: maybe worse than plungers.

8/27: Steering with my knees to protest cell phone driving rules.

8/28: Squeezing laptop, printer, three-hole punch and small copy machine on seriously under-designed Starbucks table.

8/31: Slipping neighbor’s lawn furniture into garage sale inventory.

9/04: Having trouble finding the Nanotechnology Building.

9/07: Patenting bar of soap with a pointed end for those hard-to-reach spots.

9/15: Marveling that spouse didn’t notice I was speaking-in-tongues during last night’s big argument.

9/22: Wondering who you have to know to score one of those Genius Grants.

9/28: Patting myself on the back for being in a rut where I can go faster and not swerve around.

10/22: Applying for pundit jobs.

11/03: Raising bail money for Impersonating a Vegetarian charge.


30 thoughts on “Part II. Guest Post

  1. Geoff, although I never met Kevin, I can honestly say that his witticism will be sorely missed. These are hilarious and impossible to pick a favorite, as I openly laughed at everyone. I do think I stumbled onto something though, as I have been selling my poetry by the page rather than the yard. He was a genius!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. What a funny guy. I kind of want to follow him on the Twitter, despite the…y’know…lack of new content.
    I think my brothers know exactly how you must have felt having a brother like him.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. never met Kevin, and certainly don’t want to diminish his creativity, but it’s not hard to imagine that these could have been written by Geoff. Not sure which of you if funnier, weirder, etc

    Liked by 1 person

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