10. Beer Pong

Following a commercial for Hatch Your Own Spiders Terrarium Kits, we resumed my interview with Jimmy Fallon:

Jimmy: Lem, I understand you love games. Have you tried Beer Pong?

Lem: Not yet, but I love that Earth is all about Games: Olympic Games, X Games, Video Games, Hunger Games, War Games…

Jimmy: Speaking of War Games, tell me about the movie you will be starring in.

Lem: I am really excited that Kimdashian Productions will be shooting a My Favorite Martian remake in Kyiv to support the defense of Ukraine.

Jimmy: That project has come under a firestorm of criticism.

Lem: You mean because Paris Hilton will be playing my love interest?

Jimmy: Well, that too. But some are concerned that you are a non-Martian cast as a Martian.

Lem: And nobody cares that Paris Hilton is playing a rocket scientist?

Jimmy: Well, sure, Wernher von Braun is turning over in his grave but the bigger issue will be you dying your fur reddish green and speaking with a Martian accent when real Martians are available.

Lem: Hunter Biden and Donald Trump Jr. are cast as Martians in the movie Two Martian Horsemen of the Apocalypse and neither of them have even been to Mars. I have been there and some of my best friends are Martian.

Jimmy: How about criticism that this movie is a farce that demeans the life and death struggle of the Ukrainian people?

Lem: I would not call it a farce.

Jimmy: What would you call it?

Lem: A travesty.

Jimmy: Fair enough.

Lem: But we do plan to donate 1% of profits to war relief efforts.

Jimmy: How will you even be able to travel to Ukraine.

Lem: We all have Visa cards.

Jimmy: Okay, now let me introduce you to Beer Pong.

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39 thoughts on “10. Beer Pong

  1. “Visa cards” was worth the rest of it. Less Fallon, more Hatch Your Own Spiders Terrarium and maybe a Mattel version of grow your own space borne biohazard spores guaranteed to stop acne and grow hair on your forehead.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lordy, Kim hasn’t produced anything that hasn’t been buffed and polished past the point of originality for decades. And Paris? Acting as an academic? As if! She hasn’t had anything that passes as a thought through her pretty empty airy head since her last eye-popping moment in ‘House Of Whacks.’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello gorgeous 👋 the beautiful smile you are wearing on your profile picture 🖼 hold my attention while checking on my friends posts, my name is Terry from Seattle Washington. How are you keeping over there hope fine? It’s a pleasure to have you here!!!!!!

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  3. Your choice of Jimmy is very interesting. I think it is because he is more polite than other hosts. However there’s once he is not very polite to Fran Lebowitz but very strangely his attitudes towards her only makes Fran look better, and her wit even sharper.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. So true. I sometimes watch Jimmy Kimmel, but I don’t watch Jimmy Fallon. Yes, love Fran so much. She is so funny. You just inspired me to do a post about quotes from Fran.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. The interview was excellent, Lem, but can you leave me a link to the Hatch Your Own Spiders Terrarium Kit? My kid’s been asking me for a pet.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Kimdashian – always the butt of jokes.

    Casting a Lemming as a Martian bothers me too. And there are so many lawyer roles filled with non-lawyers and doctor roles filled with non- doctors. Why is it always the actors who get to play those parts?

    Liked by 1 person

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