9. King of Lemmingo

I finished dessert and expected to see a deserted desert out my spaceship window. But a full blown festival had sprung up behind the barricades before we landed on hardened California sand. I remained on board in quarantine but Jimmy Fallon conducted a virtual interview with me from his Hollywood office:

Jimmy: Welcome to Earth, Lem. Is that what you prefer to be called?

Lem: No, I prefer King of Lemmingo.

Jimmy: So you are Royalty?

Lem: No, but I would prefer to be. Elvis, Martin Luther, and Kong were all Kings.

Jimmy: Your English is quite good. Where did you learn it?

Lem: In the cafeteria.

Jimmy: What is your favorite food?

Lem: On spacecraft, I like Lemmingade. On Mars, I craved Marshroom Soup. On Lemmingo, every day I ate Holdencram, a combination of plants, moss, grass, bark, and twigs. Generally two cousins would hold me and cram it down my throat.

Jimmy: On Earth, look out for horseradish which is neither horse nor radish. We call it Liar Food. Ultimately, what made you leave Lemmingo?

Lem: The barber kept changing the part in my hair without consulting me.

Jimmy: That is annoying. On earth, when buying your pants, look out for the alteration expert who always makes trousers too tight. What did you like best on Lemmingo?

Lem: The cars run on hazelnuts. Macadamia nuts for premium.

Jimmy: That sounds expensive. Yeah, I’ve got an idea for a car that runs on Bald Eagle heads and Faberge Eggs. What are you planning to do on earth after you get settled, Lem?

Lem: I would like to get involved with Baseball.

Jimmy: Be careful. Plutonium baseball caps are now the number one link to brain cancer. Stay tuned. We will be back after a commercial break.

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