Gloomy Gloria

In Chapter 2 of Landscapes, Ballad of a Franciscan Troubadour, Larry Gosselin writes lovingly about his boyhood home in Sumner, Washington. But he does mention its location in the Seattle/Tacoma beltway that he claims is ranked number one gloomiest large metropolitan area in the United States. He provides no citation so I was forced to do my own research. According to Joe Roberts on the move.org site (12/7/2020), Anchorage, Portland, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland are all gloomier than Seattle based on annual cloud cover. Other lists may include factors like culture and precipitation but I am in a bit of a funk and too lazy to search further when I can make up funnier stuff. Besides, “data” is often contaminated with subjectivity. For example, Green Bay, Tampa Bay, Nashville, and Phoenix have been the gloomiest cities this week as their football teams were just bounced from the NFL playoffs. But the move.org list says Phoenix is the least gloomy big city. Results vary by individual. Some people care not one bit about football. They may be gloomy because Bachelor Clayton took back Cassidy’s rose. I think the gloomiest place is my garage where our only bicycle is broken, my collection of tiles blown off my roof is growing, and all three hand saws are rusted beyond usefulness. I am definitely not buying another rusted one no matter how cheap the price. Even the mice are too lethargic to migrate from the garage to the house. I named the big one Gloomy Glen because I am alliteratively more creative than the Happy Houligan comic strip creator who introduced Gloomy Gus in 1900. The popularity of the name Gus then shifted from humans to fictional characters and animals.

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