Ancestry 24

I recently signed up for Ancestry 24, the next generation DNA test where you send your money to a laboratory for analysis. My first money tested ambiguously, so I sent more dollars for the premium AND test which reverse engineers the process. I passed with flying colors. It turns out that I am not related to anyone in my family. In fact, I am not related to myself. The Ancestry 24 people think I am some kind of god. This is obviously not possible because I have been cursing people since the 1950’s and not one of those curses has come to fruition. Of curse, I have lost contact with some of those people because of all the restraining orders. So I cannot account for every spell I tried to cast. I call them misspellings. Although in this age of political correctness, I should probably address them as misterspellings or msspellings. Ancestry 25 release is scheduled for the Spring and will hopefully shed light on my current gender, verify my credit score, and determine if I am dead or alive.


28 thoughts on “Ancestry 24

  1. Put your money where your mouth is – I think Ancestry 24 might be working opposite to this phrase. I have a few wishes and prayers that I’d like answered, Geoff God. Please let me know when and where I can contact you. Not interested in a curse. Have enough piled up. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You just remind me that I should have sent my DNA to 23andme, but haven’t done that yet. I really want to know. However I suspect that they will send me the result like “100%” Asian, which is correct but doesn’t reveal anything I haven’t already known.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I already knew I was basically 100% Western European but they did provide some interesting tidbits of info to members of my family. They established credibility with me when they identified a 2nd cousin I knew about but have never met as a 2nd/3rd cousin match.


  3. So your curses have been foiled again (and again).

    It has been my lifetime goal to avoid the gaze of authority. I have vowed to remain out of all DNA databases so that if I ever decide to commit a heinous crime I will have a fighting chance of getting away with it.

    Liked by 1 person

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