Meet Prince Geoffrey

I once thought Doris Day’s parents should have named her Mon. Her older sibling could have been Sun and the younger one Tues. Later, I learned her real name was Doris Mary Anne Kappelhoff. Her father’s infidelity led to a divorce that wiped out the possibility of four additional siblings. Whimsy was still available to the Kappelhoffs who could have christened their three children Kappelon, Phibeta, and Sky. My suggestions might induce teasing or harassment. However, “Kappelhoff” was likely no picnic when Doris changed it in 1939 at the suggestion of orchestra leader Barney Rapp. He felt it was too long for marquees and he admired her rendition of “Day after Day.” He did not have a double standard because he shortened his own name to Rapp from Rappaport (his admiration of Rap Music is disputed). These days Royal German names are being sold for 80,000 to 800,000 euros and more, according to the February 10th edition of Bloomberg Businessweek magazine. You can be adopted by a Royal in need of cash and your new name is legally binding. The purchased moniker appears on all formal German documents, including driver’s license, credit cards, passport, and even a new birth certificate if you so desire. Since this is all a sham anyway, I am skipping the step of paying the fee. I am now holding myself out as Prince Geoffrey von Stamper to fill the vacuum created by Prince Harry.