Hold the Phone

I receive quite a bit of fan mail. Some readers wanted to know why and how I was cooking an omelet in the toaster oven (5/20/19 Blog). Anything can be heated up in a toaster oven. I recommend using one on anything from your freezer if you like your food burned on the outside and frozen on the inside. One reader gave me a phone number to call but I responded by email because I have a phone phobia. She did not believe me which is usually a winning bet. But I actually do hate phones. They enslaved me for decades at work. The ringing is always a harsh interruption. The caller usually notifies me of bad news, complains about something, or tries to scam me.  A typical call notifies me that too little was deducted from my paycheck for moving expenses the previous year and the Company will be erasing my current paycheck with deductions to rectify their error. No one ever calls to tell me I am being reimbursed for an overcharge, promoted to vice president, or awarded a Pulitzer Prize. My cell phone has also been polluted, so I keep it turned off most of the time. I get messages in foreign languages. I assume they are calling to notify me that my house was burned down by a frozen omelet left too long in the toaster oven. If I do make a call, I become the dreaded caller annoying a listener on the other end. Phone plans cannot be trusted, cost lots of money, and most require you to like them on Facebook and Twitter.

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