Marlon Wayans

Funnyman Marlon Wayans says: “I don’t make a lot of new friends because I don’t know what they want. With my old friends, at least I know they want my money.” Generally people just wanting someone’s money do not become old friends. I have reached the age where anyone who claims me as a friend has an old friend, regardless of how long they have known me. My family moved so often that my oldest friends date from my sophomore year in high school. None of them like me for my money because I never had the earning power of a Marlon Wayans. Maybe they are disappointed in me because I never made it big like I bragged I would and they invested in the wrong friend. Like in the stock market, friend values go up and down. I was not attractive enough to steal anyone’s girl friend, so I avoided that potential crash in friend value. On the flip side, I have some negative qualities I bring to the friendship equation which will not be documented here. I realize I do not have a clear definition of a friend and may be counting people as friends who consider me an acquaintance or an enemy. So I decided to define exactly who my friends are. According to Facebook, I have 164 of them. That sounded impressive until I noticed that a couple of my nieces and one nephew have thousands of friends. And I have never even met my friend Jerry Robbins. But my wife has only 101 friends, so I am the popular one in our union. Oops, she just “unfriended” me. But I will be back up to 164 when I “friend” Marlon Wayans because he actually has millions of friends and will apparently accept any friend request.

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