Junk Mail

Archaeologists and private investigators have long sifted through garbage to learn everything about a person or a people. In today’s technological age, digging through someone’s computer is an easier way to compile a complete profile. My junk mail alone identifies me as very promiscuous and sexy for an old man. I am also extremely lucky in other ways. I have won an incredible amount of lotteries and discovered so many long lost relatives. And lucrative business deals come out of nowhere and everywhere and fall in my lap. I am just waiting for the checks to roll in now that I have completed all the paperwork and submitted the handling fees. The word has gotten around that I am about to become wealthy because I get emails and ads on my computer trying to sell me so much stuff. My opinions are highly valued by major corporations who constantly ask for survey inputs. I am also exposed as very forgetful. I get messages about IRS delinquencies, packages I was not expecting, and credit cards I did not know I had. Today an agency representing Dos Equis asked me to apply to be the new Most Interesting Man in the World. I just ordered the Audition Package. I should be a shoe-in.


2 thoughts on “Junk Mail

  1. Sorry, but President Trump owns the title of Most Interesting Man in the World. He says he owns it bigly, which allegedly makes up for his tiny hands.


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