Debate

Fortunately, I will miss the Presidential Debate tonight because Brandin Cooks, my Fantasy Football wide receiver, is playing on Monday Night Football. Besides, I have seen the leaked scripts Anthony Weiner has been been texting to my wife. Hillary denies altering her birth certificate to make her look ten years younger and claims “Putin is behind this conspiracy to embarrass me.” The Donald replies, “Even my great friend Vladimir couldn’t make that old bag look ten years younger.” Trump maintains he does not have a birth certificate of his own “because I always was.” Hillary produces her third and fifth grade report cards but says her other elementary school records and emails “were stolen by the Islamic terrorist Ben Ghazi.” The Donald explains he skipped third grade and that his other records from Trump Elementary were donated to his charitable foundation and “cannot be released until the Mexican government pays the expenses and penalties of all ongoing audits.” I am fairly certain I will end up a big loser because Brandin Cooks cannot be expected to overcome the deficit the rest of my Fantasy team created on Sunday.

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